This is an advance peek into the first chapter of my upcoming book: Bitchcraft, How to Own Your Power in a Complicated World. Enjoy!
Bitchcraft is the combination of two words: bitch and craft. In this reclaimed context, the word bitch, as defined by feminists and drag queens, refers to someone who is accomplished, assertive, sassy and strong. Craft is defined as an art, trade or occupation requiring a special skill. Combining the two words results in Bitchcraft, a skill needed to navigate a complicated world that presents us with challenges, problems and often doesn’t, can’t or won’t see past the externals to the inner light inside each one of us. Bitchcraft is my catchword for owning your power in a complicated world.
Some of the challenges, problems and issues you’ll face in life will be within your power to manage and some will not, but owning your power and practicing Bitchcraft can help you clearly recognize, negotiate, change, manage or accept any situation that comes your way.
Here's one view of what that means. It’s from an ancient Eastern wisdom model describing energy centers in the body, called Chakras. There are said to be seven major centers in the body, located along the spine. Each is connected to a gland in the human endocrine system. The third energy center representing personal power is said to be located at the solar plexus, in the upper belly at the diaphragm and is associated with the pancreas. The element is fire and the color is yellow, like the sun. The focus of this center is on authenticity, identity, personality, and ego, as well as personal freedom, choice, and self-actualization, which helps us navigate relationships with our friends, families, social and professional groups. As you can imagine, this process has its pleasures and pain but when you no longer give your power to others, you gain power over yourself.
To do this you need to recognize when, where and how much energy you plug into your core beliefs about who you are and how those beliefs influence your activities and behaviors.
Alice Walker, the celebrated writer, poet and activist, sums up the importance of owning your personal power in these words, The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.
My version of Bitchcraft has three stages to help you own your power. They are:
Stage 1. Show up and be heard. This is not always easy. Sometimes you’ll find yourself reacting to being objectified, ignored, devalued, lied to, betrayed or disrespected by quietly fuming, stuffing and repressing your feelings. You’ll have moments when all you want to do is crawl into your Man Cave or She Shed. When you’re just starting out on your Bitchcraft journey, it can be hard to find your voice and express yourself assertively and confidently, especially if you have voluntarily silenced yourself in the pursuit of acceptance. To respond productively at this stage, it's crucial to find your voice and use it responsibly. Of course, there are always times when it will be wiser to be quiet but even then your actions need to come from a clear conscious choice based on your assessment of the situation.
Stage 2. Manage strong emotions. This requires self-discipline. Without it, you may find yourself reacting with unconscious raw, snarky, shoot-from-the-hip retorts. As you develop self-awareness and begin to unstuff, anger may surface and instead of managing it, you may unconsciously release it and create more stress for yourself. Do your best and persevere. Of course, there will be times when a forceful strong response is called for. When the need arises, make a conscious decision to let what you say or do be a considered purposeful response and not a raw unfiltered reaction.
Stage 3. BE SASSY. At this stage you will be SASSY: Strong, Assertive, Skillful, Serene, and Young-at-heart more often in your daily life. Most, if not all, of your unhelpful reactions will transform into conscious responses that are healthier, balanced and more productive. This requires attention and effort. It will take time but the result will be more clarity, contentment and resilience. The key is to keep an even emotional keel and respond to any and all provocations and difficult situations at Bitchcraft stage three even if you feel like crawling back into your Man Cave or She Shed (stage one reaction) or tearing your tormentor ‘a new one’ (stage two reaction).
Most of us move between these three stages with varying degrees of success but the key to responding to life at Bitchcraft stage three more often is deep SASSY self-awareness which leads to you owning your power.
Practicing Bitchcraft enables you to hit pause in the space between what is happening and how you respond. This may mean directly addressing the issue or consciously choosing to do nothing in the moment. Both are appropriate. The point is that you choose with full awareness. However, all too often, the pause is not seen or sensed and what happens is a blind reaction instead of a considered response.
Once you accept that you may influence outcomes, but you do not control them, you’ll find it easier to practice the three stages of Bitchcraft, go with the flow, and respond to any situation with a measure of serenity. Your responses will be conscious as you choose to make changes, remain unchanged with full awareness of the consequences or find acceptance and peace of mind if change is not possible.
On any life journey we take, no matter how diligently we prepare ourselves, we will encounter blocks, detours and challenges, both internal and external. However, using Bitchcraft skills increases your ability to manage those blocks, detours and challenges. Bitchcraft skills are based in and sourced from the five layers of self-awareness (link).
Developing SASSY self-awareness is within the capability of all of us and when you shine the light of self-awareness on anything you face, you’ll gain a truer understanding of what you are facing, why you might be facing it and you’ll learn how to use your Bitchcraft skills more often.
Good luck on your Bitchcraft journey!
